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GROOVY SHAG RUG - Austin Powers' DNA Probably Included - $25 (Rohnert - $25 (rohnert pk / cotati)
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**SPECIFICATIONS, BABY:**
- Dimensions: 3' x 5' of shagadelic glory
- Color: "Burnt Sienna Sunset" (or as I call it, "Rust That Funks")
- Texture: Like petting a very confused terracotta Muppet
- Pile height: Tall enough to lose your keys, not tall enough to hide a body
- Era: Somewhere between lava lamps and disco deaths
**FEATURES:**
- Instant time machine to 1973
- Hides absolutely everything that falls on it
- Makes any room 47% groovier
- Probably witnessed things that would make Netflix blush
- Static electricity generator (free shock therapy included)
**PERFECT FOR:**
- Your "ironic" 70s themed apartment
- Covering questionable flooring decisions
- Starting conversations about "that rug"
- Meditation space (if you meditate about questionable life choices)
- Creating a designated "funk zone" in your home
**SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE:**
- Sudden urges to buy a waterbed
- Spontaneous British accent syndrome
- Uncontrollable use of the word "groovy"
- Desire to grow mutton chops
**NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR:**
- Time travel incidents
- Sudden disco fever
- Your friends' concerned looks
**CONDITION:** Shagtastic. No weird smells (that's a miracle).
**PRICE: $25** (Less than a modern haircut, more personality than your entire apartment)
📍 **LOCATION:** Rohnert Park, near Sonoma State
**PICKUP ONLY** - Rolls up like a fuzzy burrito
💰 **PAYMENT:** Cash or Venmo
**FREE WITH PURCHASE:** My personal blessing to become an international person of mystery
*Serious buyers only. Gold medallion and chest hair sold separately.*