http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2008, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-06-11T15:56:10-07:00 2 daily http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/716584559.html Come live in a real honest-to-goodness shithole. We take great pride in our inability to keep good tenants happy. Do you pay your rent on time every month? We will reward you by increasing it to the maximum allowable limit every year like clockwork. Love hot water for your morning shower? Who doesn't? Well, you won't find those kind of luxuries here. The water temperature is tepid at best. And if your bathtub stops draining, you'll be billed for the repair, even though that's illegal. Don’t worry when the ceiling leaks on sunny days. That’s the pipes above the ceiling that are leaking. All repairs will be made by unlicensed handymen found in the Home Depot parking lot. We will attempt to clean your stained couch cushions in our own laundry facility, right on the premises. We won’t do a very good job, though. What do you care? You live in a shithole. Speaking of our laundry facility, please note that you will have a difficult time finding available washers & dryers. This is due to the fact that our on-site managers allow their various family members to do laundry when they make weekly visits. Even though you see air-conditioners in two other apartments, do not be fooled into thinking that you too may enjoy electrically cooled rooms. Should you decide to install one in your unit, you will find an eviction notice taped to your front door. We also like to snoop around your apartment once a month under the guise of smoke alarm checks. Enjoy the beautiful pool--but only during the week. Here's the schedule: Every Saturday at 10 AM the gardener uses his leaf blower to fill the pool with leaves & debris. It remains this way until the pool cleaner comes by on Monday. Perfect for kids that don’t yet have health problems. <p> The neighborhood gang activity keeps things lively as well. The dealers are all within walking distance. Convenient for drug users who are fed up with high gas prices. Enjoy real culture with vibrant artists ‘tagging’ their area. See that broken glass on the curb? That’s where a local artist liberated the contents of a car the night before. It’s OK, the owner needed a new stereo with iPod hook-ups anyway. Win-win. <p> We can’t imagine why this apartment has been vacant for over six months. <p> Large 2 bedroom 1 bath, newly painted, vertical blinds, ceiling fan, new appliances, pool, gated parking, new roof, laundry facilities, no pets, one year lease. Near Amoeba music, Arclight theaters, 24 hour fitness, The LA Film School, Sunset & Highland. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Hollywood <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-11T15:56:10-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/716584559.html Worst. Apartment. Ever. text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/711061927.html trade 1 night with my wife shes 5-4 105 brown hair eyes great body tanned toned very pretty girl 1 night all safe and normal stuff dinner movie drinks no drugs or crazy requests serious replies only must reply with a picture to be considered please normal guys only <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: medford <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-07T10:45:25-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/711061927.html trade my hot wife for 2 celts tickets! text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/708850980.html I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.". <br> <br> Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police. <br><br> <ul> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-05T14:52:20-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/708850980.html To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/slc/708132908.html Look. English cucumbers go for $1.50 each at the Midvale Harmon's on 7th East. That's right. Each. <br> <br> So while you were standing next to me gawking as I tried to find the biggest, individually, shrink-wrapped English cucumber, I thought I would just politely explain why I was being so picky. It struck me afterwards why you might have been a bit traumatized, Mr. Three Cans of Rock Star energy drink, 4 donuts, and one tub of potato salad, after I told you that "size really does matter, you know..." <br> <br> $1.50 each! That means I pay the same for a short, stubby one. A crooked, bumpy one. A long, firm one. A soft, mushy one. An average-lengthed, chubby one... So yes, if I pay the same no matter what, I wanted a long, chubby, firm English cucumber for the money, thankyouverymuch. <br> <br> But if you aren't too traumatized from our interaction, I'm single (and I'm guessing you are too, Mr. Three Cans of Rock Star, 4 donuts, and one tub of potato salad). Come on over and I'll feed you. Care for a salad? I can omit the cucumber... <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Midvale <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-04T21:21:52-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/slc/708132908.html Shocked by my cucumber... - w4m text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/707239142.html My daughter likes to pull the heads off of dolls. The therapist says we should let her, so we do. We have lots of headless dolls. Some of their heads my be retreivable; most probably not. <br> <br> Free to a good home. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Close-in Mont Co <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-04T10:54:21-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/707239142.html Decapitated dolls text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/706729174.html please come pick up our gently used rocketship/boat/race car/fort/house/time machine. don't spend your 600 stimulus clams on your kids. give dubya the finger while you invest it and get them this!! <br> <br> it will be gone by thursday if no responses. i am 6'3" so it is obviously big enough to fly to the moon, cross the atlantic, win the indy 500, defend against invading raiders, do fake home remodeling projects, or travel back in time to tell your parents you don't want a crappy box. <br><br> <img src="706729174.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: south first and stassney <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-03T19:03:56-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/706729174.html rocketship/boat/race car/fort/house/time machine text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/705407729.html Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him. <br> <br> This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following: <br> <br> * insects <br> <br> * other trained attack kittens <br> <br> * babies <br> <br> * toilet paper <br> <br> * anything under a blanket <br> <br> * unwanted house guests <br> * paper bags <br> <br> * floor rugs <br> <br> * Chuck Norris <br> <br> * Feet. <br> <br> Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide. <br> <br> Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast. <br> <br> Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it. <br> <br> Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars. <br> <br> For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house. <br> <br> <img src="705407729.1.jpg"> <img src="705407729.2.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-02T19:10:20-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/705407729.html Ferocious Attack Kitten text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/703840689.html We already had a drink together kind of. What with me sitting on a stoop finishing my Stella while you wrote me a ticket. But I feel kind of bad that our first date involved a couple of my friends, who were none too sober, and you had a workmate out with you. Also, while you seemed real interested in me: you took my address, phone number, height, weight, even eye color, I didn't even get your name. Frankly, I found your instant fascination with me a little flattering, if slightly creepy. I suppose a gals gotta be on her guard these days though. Still, it's not very flirty to take down my DL number. <br> <br> Anyway, you did set up a second date with me but it was at a courthouse in the early afternoon and you kept telling me I didn't have to go if I don't want to. You had the courage to just pull over onto the side of the road to talk to me but you're being coy about our second encounter? What gives? <br> <br> Maybe we could go somewhere a little less arrestee instead. We'd have to go dutch since I'll be spending my date money on the fine you gave me but you seemed like a pretty independent woman so I don't suspect you'll have too much of a problem with that. <br> <br> You were really pretty with a surprisingly warm smile given the situation. I was the one who made a joke about pronouncing "stella" with a proper French accent. We could be like the lamest cop/criminal romantic comedy ever. You could be torn between your job and me and ultimately figure out zany ways to thwart my schemes to drink in public without landing me in the slammer. It'd be great. <br> <br> Seriously though officer, do you wanna go on a date? <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Western and Lincoln <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-01T16:46:17-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/703840689.html Cop who gave me a ticket for drinkng in public - m4w text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/703683551.html At some point, my roommate found a tractor tire and it followed him home. Well, maybe he rolled it home from a few blocks away. <br> <br> So, what we have here is a big ol' tractor tire. It stands about 5ft tall. It has holes drilled in the sidewalls so it won't collect water and become a mosquito breeding area. <br> <br> Things you can do with this tire include: <br> -Make a sandbox (the kids will love it as much as the neighborhood cats) <br> -Build a ramp in your back yard. Then have someone climb inside the tire and roll it down said ramp. (yes, this has been done. I got a concussion. I do not recommend trying this unless you like a pounding head) <br> -Have on friend get inside the tire, have them hold on tight, and then have a second friend get in. Two average adults can fit inside it (while a couple more idiots hold it stable). Then have your idiot friends roll the tire until it hits something (again, you may become concussed), or until they stop the rolling pain machine. (I will not explain any more experience in this area) <br> -You could even fill this agricultural masterpiece with dirt and make it a small garden/planter type contraption. (Sounds pretty, doesn't it?) <br> -Finally, you can drive an old Jeep over it while whipping shitties in your back yard with two flat tires. (Yes, this was also done. Alcohol may need to be involved to accomplish this option) <br> <br> I really do have to recommend the sandbox as the best option, but that is up to your own discression. I take no liability in any way for injury, damage, expense, divorce, nights on the couch, etc, that this tire may cause. It has been a blast having it around, but the time has come to part ways with this beast. <br> <br> It is FREE. I will help you get it in the back of a truck or on a trailer. I will not deliver it. I will not help you tie it to the roof of your car, unless you absolutely want me to. Keep in mind, I'm ok with breaking things if I won't get beaten or taken to small claims court. This tire is big, heavy, and fun as hell. Please email if you have any interest in acquiring this beauty. <br> <br> The picture is recent. I'm not trying to pass off someone else's tire as my own, nor trying to hide that the tire has put on weight, or been deformed in an accident since taking the picture in a desperate attempt to unload her on an unsuspecting person in search of tire. I'm just not that type of guy. The picture was taken within minutes of creating this ad. <br> <br> Thanks for looking, and if my tire doesn't work out for you, I hope you find the tire of your dreams. Isn't that what we all deserve anyway? <br><br> <img src="703683551.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Plymouth/Wayzata <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-01T14:29:52-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/703683551.html Free Tractor Tire! Yeah, a TRACTOR TIRE! text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/701271912.html We have this brownish sleeper couch that sort of looks like the couch from Family Guy. It's been rained on like once or four times, and a couple bunny rabbits have tried to nibble on it, but then were like Whoa this isn't tender chutes this is a Couch, hop hoppity, hoppy-hop. <br> <br> Come drag it somewhere out of sight. <br> <br> <img src="701271912.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: 12 Domenica Drive 12188 <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-30T14:48:50-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/alb/701271912.html Family Guy couch text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/697782542.html NEVERMIND! Dirt changed dirt's mind. Dirt is too afraid of craigslist strangers to give out dirt's address. Dirt will just suck it up and spread around the yard, sometime... soon. (Oh who is dirt kidding? Dirt will live in the driveway for months). But NEVERMIND. And thank you anyway for the nice emails, except for those of you who were spooky, creepy and/or really insane. <br> <br> ___________________________________________________ <br> <br> Hello. <br> <br> I am dirt. <br> <br> See? <br> <img src="697782542.jpg"> <br> <br> I need to move out of the driveway. I'm not really that much dirt. Just what was left over after digging fence post holes. <br> <br> Could you haul me away? Far, far away? <br> <br> I am in Wedgwood. That's just North of the Univ of Washington a bit. <br> <br> I will pay one person $20 to haul me off. Please? <br> <br> Someone emailed me for my measurements. That's kind of a personal question, but I guess we're friends, right? I'm about a 6ftx8ftx3ft pile, but only in the center. I'm pretty small around the edges. <br> <br> Thanks in advance. <br> <br> Yours truly, <br> <br> Pile of Dirt <br> <br> P.S. I am slightly disgruntled because some people cannot read. I am only dirt. I only have $20. It's not like I'm mud or fancy rocks. I'm just dirt. DIRT CHEAP. Please don't waste dirt's time by emailing dirt and asking for more money. DIRT isn't here to subsidize your craigslist lifestyle. Dirt just wants to be gone. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Wedgwood <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-27T21:01:49-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/697782542.html SLIGHTLY DISGRUNTLED DIRT: nevermind text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/689947124.html I know you probably get this a lot, but you are the hottest garbage man I have ever seen. Every Tuesday, I wait at my window desperately at 8:00 AM waiting for you. I love your strong muscles; not matter how heavy my waste is, you have no problem lifting it. Sometimes I hide bricks in there just so I can see your sweaty big muscles in real action. You may know my house specifically because I always leave my old lingerie lying on top of all my other trash. I put it out there for you, you know. I want you to have them. Don't worry, I spray a little perfume on them before I toss them so they don't smell anymore. Anyway, if you like what you see in my trash, come inside sometime, there will be plenty more of where that came from. ;) <br> Love, <br> Your Secret Admirer <br> P.S. I'm single with no kids. All the diapers are from my grandmother who lives with me. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: My trash can <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-21T16:19:21-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/689947124.html Sexiest trashman ever! - w4m text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/687162102.html Hi, I found a cat today near the arboretum. She's black with white stripes down her back. She seems a little standoffish. Does not get along well with children. <br> <br> She doesn't have a collar, but seems to be an indoor cat and went without hesitation for a can of cat food I opened for her. <br> <br> I think she's been away from home a while. She's quite smelly. May need a bath. <br> <br> Please e-mail me to claim. Small rehoming fee (to cover the cost of the litterbox and cat food). <br> <br> <img src="687162102.jpg"> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: montlake <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-19T15:13:47-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/687162102.html found cat--black with white stripes text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/682641364.html Hi. <br> <br> Well if you're reading this, you already know it's you. I walked into the lab today because of chronic diarrhea, and they called you specifically to take care of my case. You were so cute when you said I had abnormally huge taste buds. When you said you had to have another look at the back of my throat, it was obvious you just wanted to see their freaky fatness once more, and I called you on it. You then turned completely red, and I don't know if it was because of my grossly exaggerated yet founded accusations or because I wasn't wearing a bra and you left me waiting for like 45 minutes in an industrial AC powered office. <br> <br> You're gonna be growing five different cultures from my stool in the next week and I have no idea, despite all my funk and resourcefulness, how to make the idea of giving me a call after work seem inspiring. Between all these questions you're asking me, all of which are related to my loose bowel movements, and the fact that you could lose your license if you got together with a patient, there is just no way I can slip you my number. <br> <br> I don't really know what to do. I think I'm gonna try to run into you at the end of your internship at this hospital. I hear if it's not in an office, there is no law to prevent me hitting on you, and you taking it up. If you're not gay that is - cause you sort of give off that kind of vibe too. <br> <br> But if you're not, where is my highest chance of running into you completely by chance, one morning when I'm not your patient and you're not my hot, out-of-bounds microbiologist? <br> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Laval <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-16T01:39:07-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/682641364.html To the cute microbiologist who's gonna examine my stool - w4m text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/679961155.html So here I sit no more than 5 hours after posting about having some free sod available and I thought I would repost with some of the interesting topics from the 30 plus emails which I have received. <br> 1. I have no idea how many rolls of sod will fit in the back, front or on top of a Saab Hatchback, Saturn Coupe, or 2005 BMW. However, seeing sod loaded into a beamer intrigues me so please show up. <br> 2. I am sorry, but the point of my listing this as a free item was to get rid of it, therefore I am unable to hold 3-5 rolls and keep them properly stored for you for "no more than two weeks" in case you need them. I thought offering to help you load the FREE SOD was pretty nice, but that is all the further I am willing to go. <br> 3. When I made the joke about selling grass, that apparently wasn't clear to many people. Just so we are on the same page I am offering the type of grass which I would assume would either give you a headache from smoking, kill you from the chemicals it has been treated with, or most likely do nothing at all. Some people really didn't seem to be all that clear as to whether or not the item offered was illegal. I assure you it is completely legal to grow, possess, and sell (which I assume includes getting it for free) <br> 4. I was astounded at the number of women who are in the market for free sod. As a quasi single man (don't ask) this really got my mind going and I am now considering ripping up my entire lawn and starting some sort of yardcare dating service. Something about a woman who not only wants her yard to look nice but also wants it for free is a bit of a` turn on (this is the only sarcasm free line in this post). <br> <br> Well, thats all. As for now all the sod is still here. Several people have offered to come and get it but no one has shown up yet. I am sorry i haven't replied to the last dozen people who inquired but I felt that those who replied first should get first dibs. <br> And a big thanks to Tanya for emailing me to say that my first post made her day!!! <br> <br> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: SW Mpls <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-14T01:52:48-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/679961155.html Update to Free Sod text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hud/677453250.html Look here, Hudson Valley. I'm tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It's time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I'm taking no prisoners. <br> <br> This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you've got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned... I don't let up, and I don't want to share a stage with anyone who will. <br> <br> As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it's like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire's vests). <br> <br> You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle". Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that. <br> <br> So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky's infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest. <br> <br> Yours in rock <br> -^v-Riley-v^- <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Poughkeepsie <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-12T11:13:05-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hud/677453250.html SERIOUS guitarist looking for like-minded bandmates to make it big. text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/673142557.html I wish to apologize to the unfortunate hippy girl who witnessed a most disturbing event on Tuesday evening near the parking structure on Front and River street. You saw me bent over, clutching a dumpster with both hands, while a six foot-plus tranny stood directly behind me. Fortunately for you, the dumpster obscured your view, thereby sparing you most of the unpleasantness. <br> <br> I imagine you were left to wonder exactly what nefarious deeds were happening beyond your field of view. You may have surmised that I was being mugged, frisked by the vice squad, on the receiving end of a very unique quickie, or even raped... but I assure you this was not the case. To satiate your curiosity, what you didn't see involved me with my pants around my ankles while the aforementioned tranny delivered a series of blows to my exposed backside. Those blows were so masterfully delivered that you must have heard each one sharply reverberate off the parking structure's concrete walls. For your sake, let's hope you put two and two together, rather than ran with the absolute worst case scenario in your imagination. <br> <br> Interestingly enough, you seemed curious and made no effort to avert your gaze. I commend you for that. We locked eyes for a few moments. Mine were filled with both the fear of being caught and the excitement of being watched. Due to the distance involved and my painful distractions, I couldn't quite read your expression... but I imagine it involved either disgust, intense curiosity, or simple Santa Cruz bemusement for all things weird. I hope you were able to sleep that night while pondering the ugly possibilities. <br> <br> In my defense, let me say that I've never done this sort of thing before, and I was merely following orders. And yes... I enjoyed it immensely and have every intention of repeating and diversifying these semi-public spectacles. For my money, it's more entertaining than watching a homeless guy take a dump on the sidewalk. <br> <br><br> <ul> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-08T13:01:48-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/673142557.html Open apology to unintentional voyeur in Santa Cruz text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/673017049.html I have a dead moose free for the taking. <br> <br> It died yesterday, apparently of natural causes. I called Fish & Game to come and get it. Apparently, moose are a natural resource and belong to everybody, until they die, then they belong to whoevers property they die on. So, according to Fish & Game, the moose now belongs to me. Sweet!! <br> <br> So, if you want a free moose, please come and get it before the bears do. <br> <br> You could use it for dog food, or stuff it and put it your front yard, bear bait, whatever. If you live in the lower 48, this might be your best opportunity to get a free Alaska moose. I dont really care, I just want it out of my yard. <br> <br> Please reply via email, I dont need all the animal rights folks calling me, its dead, and according to Fish & Game, its got no more rights... <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Anchorage <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-08T10:33:36-08:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/673017049.html Dead Moose text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/jax/672975065.html slightly used but good condition. must be willing to pick up. handsome varnish finish. will take 3 to 4 people to move. bought at garage sale and never put to use. airtight. had been using for produce storage but just taking up space now. will go to first person who can pick it up. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Dixie Highway <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-08T14:05:37-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/jax/672975065.html free coffin (Dixie Highway) text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/672031640.html I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis. <br> <br> British accent preferred. <br><br> <ul> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests <li> Compensation: $350 up front </ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-07T14:49:20-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/672031640.html Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/671432270.html Bumper stickers, yard sign, pins, mugs, folders, letterhead and a large banner. Won't be needing them. <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: 16th and Penn <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-07T11:05:23-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/671432270.html Free Hillary Clinton Campaign Material text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/knx/668412417.html I have a large spool i would like removed from my property. <br> <br> I no longer have any need for said spool due to coming home from work several hours early and finding my wife on top of said spool with another man. <br> <br> If you have any need for this spool email me and I will send you the address for the spool. You may come pick up the spool at any time. No questions asked. No need to call ahead. No need to dress up or clean your truck up because it will only be you and the spools out there. <br> <br> You pull up, load the spool, and leave. The spool in question is marked with a red X. You may only take this spool. I want to keep the rest of them. <br> <br> <br> <img src="668412427.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Dandridge <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-05-05T10:01:21-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/knx/668412417.html FREE INDUSTRIAL SIZED WOODEN SPOOL text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fmy/659126241.html Let's answer some questions before I describe the car. Humour me... please... <br> <br> 1. NO, it is not a "condo-car" that's been garaged all its natural life. It's a $600 car. <br> <br> 2. YES, the odometer reads 24k miles, but I am VERY certain it has rolled over and it's actually 124k miles. It's a $600 car. <br> <br> 3. YES, it is restorable. Anything is restorable if you have the time and money! But, in its current condition, it's a $600 car. <br> <br> 4. YES, the interior is very clean. NOTICE I DID NOT SAY IT WAS MINT! It is clean... one tiny tear on the drivers seat back, broken arm-rest on drivers side, TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD!!! Again, it's a $600 car. <br> <br> 5. YES, it does start and run very well. My son drove it to and from work for several months while his daily-driver was being repaired. Not bad for a $600 car! <br> <br> 6. NO, my boyfriend and his tool box do NOT come with the car. In other words, you're buying a TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD, SIX HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR, people! I cannot guarantee that it will "last at least a year" or that "it will make it all the way to Oregon in September". Sheesh... I mean, c'mon! My crystal ball broke a lonnnnnng time ago. What's more, it's a $600 car. <br> <br> 7. YES, it is quiet. But will it disturb your neighbors? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW? I don't even KNOW your neighbors! I know you can squeal tires pretty loudly, even in this old $600 car. <br> <br> 8. NO, I will NOT pay for your gas if you drive here from East Jesus and decide not to buy the car for any reason. Why would you drive 3 hours to buy a $600 car anyway? <br> <br> 9. NO, I am NOT interested in donating the car to your worthy cause. My son needs the money. He's a kid, for crying out loud! Do you really think he'd be advertising this $600 car for SALE if he wanted to "help you out because you're down on your luck because your boyfriend left you and took your car and you have no way to get back and forth from....". You get the picture. <br> <br> 10. Did I mention it's a $600 car? That does NOT mean it's a $400 car, or a $500 car, or even a $550 car! THE PRICE IS $600, get it? <br> <br> 11. NO, I do not own a firearm. Yet. <br> <br> If you've read this far, then you must be somewhat interested in the car, right? Be advised, I am in no mood to be trifled with after the 250 stupid phone calls I received over the weekend. That's right... 250, mostly assinine people, asking questions relating to the above 11 answers. Ever dealt with a woman whose hot-flashes run about 500 degrees? Seriously. Do NOT poke the bear, or if you do, do so at your own risk. <br> <br> I am not going to post my phone number, as my Xanax prescription is empty and I cannot afford to have it refilled until this Friday. That being said, I do have twenty photos of the car from every angle, aspect, perspective and view which I would be happy to send to you via email. Just click on the pretty blue link at the top of the post, and I promise I'll email you back lots of full-color photos that were taken just this morning. <br> ****Only after I have determined that you are not going to be yet another idiot such as those mentioned above will I give you my phone number and/or address so that you may come and see the car**** <br><br> <img src="659126241.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> This item has been posted by-owner. <li> Location: Naples <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-28T08:55:44-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fmy/659126241.html Menopausal woman with nasty temper has 85 Grand Prix for sale text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cht/654534964.html Are you ready to be together forever baby? Somethings i will never to do you: <br> <br> 1. Give you up <br> 2. Let you down <br> 3. Run Around <br> 4. Desert you <br> 5. Make you cry <br> 6. Say Goodbye <br> 7. Tell a Lie <br> 8. Hurt you <br> <br> A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You know your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it. Hit me up <br> <br> <br> <br> <img src="654534964.jpg"> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Chattanooga <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-24T11:52:57-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cht/654534964.html You wouldn't get this from any other guy text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/652643356.html I have no idea who you are. I do not know if you’re male, female, young, old, black, white, straight, gay, ambidextrous, or a midget. What I do know is this: You are almost certainly obese and have at least one wooden leg. <br> <br> It is likely that I am completely off in my speculation, but at least hear me out. I do have some evidence that would warrant such claims. <br> <br> First of all, if you aren’t a manatee with at least one wooden appendage, I must assume then, that you do indeed have your feet blocked in cement. At the very least, you have a horrible case of elephantitis of the lower body causing your feet to stomp and drag and cause a great amount of disturbance. Now I’ve lived in apartments before, some being quite rowdy seeing as I did attend college for five years. Despite this, you my heavy hooved friend, are one of a kind. <br> <br> At first I thought it might be sex. You know, the old headboard pounding the wall. I would be impressed if that were the case, but I doubt that. The noise moves when you move, so it can’t be the headboard. If it were, then I would REALLY be impressed. Hell, you even knocked the light fixture off of the ceiling in my foyer after some intense peg-leg floor pounding. I was picking glass out of my feet for a few weeks after that! Not bad for what could potentially be some afternoon delight. <br> <br> The reason I don’t believe you are getting laid is because the noise occurs quite literally at ALL hours of the day. 4AM? You bet. 4PM? Sure shit. 1AM? Of course. 2:47PM? Why not? If I were able to link the noise to a certain time pattern or a certain location, I could be more certain it might be sex, say on a bed with wheels that moves freely about your place with each thrust. (As I type this now, you’re making some pretty loud bumps and booms). Maybe you are just a really aggressive masturbator? Lastly, I haven’t seen a single couple enter this building to confirm that fact that someone might be getting laid. <br> <br> I’ve tried to describe the noise you create to many people saying “It quite literally sounds like an overweight pirate with one peg leg pacing back and forth” only to get strange looks in return…as you can imagine. Skeptical as they may be, their hesitations in believing my claims were put to rest as soon as they visited my apartment. One by one my friends, as well as some family, visited my place all to confirm the noises I reported were indeed, real. <br> <br> Each of them spent a few minutes speculating about what the noise could potentially be. Honestly, the only thing we have all deduced is that you aren’t having sex. This is undoubtedly, an unfortunate conclusion on your part. <br> <br> Perhaps you are trying to teach yourself how to walk with stilts and you are trying to master the art one leg at a time before attempting both stilts at once. Maybe you’re practicing for the Olympics in Chicago in 2016 and have set up some uneven bars and are trying desperately to stick the landing. Whatever you’re doing, could you please ease up? I do not enjoy replacing all of my picture frames that have either fallen off my walls or from my shelves. Nor do I enjoy being awaken at all hours of the night only to have to wonder what it is you’re really doing up there, whether they be innocent or slightly sexually deviant. My alarm goes off before 6AM due to having one of those job things so a good nights sleep is important. Thanks in advance and if you really are an obese pirate, please don’t break into my apartment and steal my booty…or my food. <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-22T20:58:48-05:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/652643356.html Rant: Person with a wooden leg that lives above me. text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/652240333.html Heeyyaa! I'm an independent 21 year-old Asian gamer chick that is currently looking for a fun and honest relationship with a cute guy! <br> <br> Pre-reqs include: <br> World of Warcraft player <br> Having at least 2 70's <br> Having a personal PVP rating of at least 2000. <br> Good and quirky sense of humour (interests in shows such as South Park and Family Guy help with that) <br> Honesty <br> Loyalty <br> Intelligence <br> Age: Between 22 and 26. <br> <br> <br> I am currently working full-time and pay for all my own stuff, including my own place, car, etc. I will be attending university in the fall as a full-time student. My musical preference is metal although that isn't too much of an issue issue. <br> <br> If you think you have what it takes, send me a message with a picture attachment and a brief description of your characters! If I'm interested, I will message you back with a few of my pics. XD <br> <br> P.S. The WoW requirements are not a joke. Kthnxbai! <br> <br><br> <ul> <li> Location: Montreal <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-22T16:29:06-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/652240333.html Looking for gamer guy! PST! text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/649999147.html I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked. <br> <br> I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You. <br> <br> Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough. <br> <br> Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says 'step on the gas'. Fuck you wheelmen and women that think it's okay to sit in a left hand turn in the middle of morning traffic, even though there is a protected left in the intersections before and after where you need to make your turn. Fuck you too cyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. You don't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic. <br> <br> Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus. <br> <br> Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change. <br> <br> Fuck you bottles of water. You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars. <br> Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi. <br> <br> Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all <i>wrong</i>. Fuck it. <br> <br> Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable. <br> <br> I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it. <br> <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-20T23:50:32-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/649999147.html I hate all of you text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/649331801.html a) how did you get into my mailbox in the first place, it is locked <br> b) did you kill the bird <br> c) it died horribly, that much was clear <br> d) you're psycho <br> e) do I know you <br> f) if I do know you I don't want to know you <br> g) if I don't know you, what did I do to inspire you to put a dead bird in my mailbox <br> h) I don't know how to disinfect a mailbox from a dead bird, I'm worried about diseases and have used five different kinds of cleaner but still feel like the bird's still in there still and like my bills and my catalogues and my coupons have dead bird on them <br> i) it was a hummingbird, I looked it up - they don't even live in New York - this is so f*ing psycho, I can't believe this <br> j) are you the mailman? <br> k) I'm always nice to the mailman <br> l) the super didn't care when I told him what happened <br> m) the neighbors didn't care either <br> n) do you have some kind of problem with birds <br> o) don't put anything else in my mailbox <br> p) unless it's an apology <br> q) no, I take that back, I don't even want an apology <br> r) what am I supposed to do with this bird - it's in bubblewrap in a bag in a shoebox in the freezer right now - am I supposed to bury it - where? how? in a construction site where they've jackhammered through the concrete - where is a person supposed to bury things in this city? <br> s) I could drop it in the Gowanus canal, but that seems undignified <br> t) I could drop it in the ocean, but the ocean is so big and it is such a small bird <br> u) I could drop it in the toilet but it would probably get stuck <br> v) I hear this whirring around my ears every time I go to the mailbox and I'm pretty sure it's ghost bird, and I'm all "it wasn't me that killed you, bird!" but still the whirring doesn't go away until I get to the stairwell <br> w) am I supposed to eat it - maybe you were trying to feed me - don't you know I'm a vegetarian <br> x) if this was Ricky, I'm gonna beat your ass, mama told you stop bothering the zoo <br> y) if this was Gina, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, how many times I gotta say I'm sorry <br> z) I could drop it off the roof, maybe it will reincarnate while falling and I can start reading my mail again <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: crown heights <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-20T12:56:46-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/649331801.html who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/648410240.html For the longest time, I have admired the dynamic between this cross species couple. But then, sometime during the 80s, a commercial for the Muppets: Live on Stage added a new dimension. In it, a stretch limousine was pulling up in front of a theater. A footman opened the door, and a shapely, rather thick leg stepped onto the red carpet. As the rest of the form followed, it was revealed that it belonged to a woman wearing a full bodied Miss Piggy costume under an alluring evening dress. AND I WANTED HER. And, to be quite honest, I've never stopped. <br> <br> Some time ago, I found an original full head rubber Miss Piggy mask, circa 1977, complete with a full head of long blond hair. I am looking for a tall, sexy BBW, preferably over 300 pounds, to wear this mask to bed. She should also be open to playing with plastic wrap and liquid latex. Blonde is best, I suppose, but not necessary. Who knows – for the right woman I might just get a green rubber suit and a Kermit mask. <br><br> <ul> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-19T14:10:07-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/648410240.html KERMIT SEEKS PIGGY text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/646663801.html To whomever currently has my beloved fixed gear, you made a really sweet score, but there are some repairs and upgrades you might want to make note of. I know that I was foolish and absent-minded to leave it accidentally unlocked outside the Mt. Sun in Boulder on Sunday, April 6, but now that you've given it a new home, let's talk wrenches: <br> <br> The frame is new, but all the other parts on it I've collected over the years, mostly bought from dear friends and my favorite shops. The rear wheel could use truing, but the old school Mavic CXP30s do hold up well. Rest assured, though, because I did just replace the bearings in the Phil Wood track hub. I even splurged on the ones rated for submersible marine applications so they'll last for years to come.... even if you ride year-round like I do. <br> <br> The Cinelli criterium drop bars are a little bent from when I was working in Denver a few years back and some imbicile in an SUV pulled front-first into a parallel spot and pinched me into a parked car. Despite the bend, they still seem to handle fine. Could use new tape, though. <br> <br> The drive-train is pretty shot. I've used that Race Face chainring for well over 2 years (I bought it from my old messenger shop in Chicago) and it probably has at least 25,000 miles on it. Pretty worn, as is the rear cog. I'd been meaning to replace the whole lot, but had been saving up a little extra cash to drop on real track cranks (you'll find that the FSA 110BCD cranks make it hard to find suitable chainrings.) Good idea to throw a fresh chain on while you're at it! <br> <br> The plastic molding on under the seat is cracked and getting worse. Again, something I'd been wanting to upgrade with a more ergo-friendly design. <br> <br> What else..... Oh yeah, the rear tire is fairly worn, so you'll probably see a flat pretty soon. When you do, you'll clearly notice that I'm pretty OCD about patching tubes, and the rear tube had exactly 20 patches on it last time I checked. (I was hoping to best my P.R. of 22 patches on a single tube. Hope you keep the dream alive!) <br> <br> In case you decided the color wasn't for you, rest assured that the bright yellow powder coat will make a great primer/base for a custom rattle can job. No rust ever! And I also personally sprayed the insides of all the tubes with WD40 to prevent internal corrosion. That's right, this will last you forever. <br> <br> The Wound Up carbon fork is sturdy; no issues there besides finding outdated parts compatible with the 1" threaded setup. The vintage Campy Chorus headset was a gift from my boss, and although the races are a little pitted, it should hold up ok with occasional maintenance. <br> <br> There's a bit of play in the cartridge bearings in the front Miche Pista hub, but not a huge deal. If you get a hold of me, I can give you the new set of bearings I have here at home. I just didn't get around to installing them yet. <br> <br> Anyway, if you would rather have me do the mechanical work, I'm well qualified and would love to get my bike back. Seriously, no questions asked. Or if you know someone who has it, let me know, and no big deal. I'd just like to see my bike again!!! <br> <br> <img src=646663801.1.jpg> <img src=646663801.2.jpg> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: wish I knew :( <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-18T00:27:54-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/646663801.html in case you have/lifted my yellow track bike..... text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/646113248.html three pink plastic lawn flamingos, the momma, the daddy and two <br> babies. in good shape except the momma has a bullet hole. will <br> trade for a good dog or weed eater, will also consider any kind <br> of alcohol as long as it ain't been opened up. <br><br> <img src=646113248.jpg> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: falcon <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-17T14:31:39-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/646113248.html PINK PLASTIC LAWN FLAMINGOS text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/646020922.html Hello, <br> <br> ABOUT YOU: <br> You are a young and good-looking girl. The parental abuse that you incurred as a child has left you emotionally distant and sexually repressed. You are able to sustain months (years?) of loneliness because you shudder at the thought of human interaction. You have a constant feeling of inadequacy leading to excessive hours on the elliptical machine (and, accordingly, a nicely toned bum). I might do stuff to you while you are sleeping at 4AM (when I finally get home from the office), but, other than that, our sex-life will be nonexistent. Naive girls who have been in long-distance relationships and have had their hearts broken by guys who perpetually cheated are more than welcome to email me; I promise that I'm different. <br> <br> ABOUT ME: <br> I am a first year analyst at a bulge-bracket investment bank; this means that I'm either Jewish, Asian, or from old-money (and, therefore, connected up the wazoo). Given that this post is (hopefully) grammatically correct, coherently legible, and satirically palatable, I'd like to think that I got into banking based on merits associated with my intelligence; therefore, I'm probably not from old money and am not connected up the wazoo (sorry). <br> <br> I got into banking as a result of an overwhelming abundance of insecurities. I went to a top-tiered and prestigious undergraduate university, yet, have always felt inferior to the Harvardites and Princetonians that surround me. I'm likely either short and socially outcasted (with excellent kung-fu skills) or schnoz-nosed and unable to date, as every girl I meet in Manhattan is a UES slut that reminds me of my mother. <br> <br> I go to the gym every morning, as my unnecessarily ambitious and secretively compensating type-A personality forces me to always strive for the best. That, and also the endorphins released from the exercise keep me elated enough to prevent attempting suicide for at least 24 hours. <br> <br> I approach dating as I do anything else; as a strict meritocracy where I compete to win. At bars, I won't tell girls that I'm a banker; I feel that it would be unfair to take a girl home by playing the pity card ("Oh, you work in banking? I feel so bad for you. Fine, I guess I'll sleep with you."). I'll likely say that I'm a math teacher at the Dalton School (my Jewish/Asian heritage helps me here) so that girls realize that I'm piss-poor (as are all my other analyst buddies, despite what we tell our family and friends back home) but have Epstein potential. <br> <br> My interests include playing brickbreaker on my blackberry, romantic dinners expensed to my firm, and finding novel ways to entertain myself during late-night hours (posting personal ads on Craigslist at 3AM - FUN; getting head from you while you hide under my desk - PROBABLY FUNNER). <br> <br> If you fit my description (and God help you if you do...) feel free to email me. Pictures of boobs (yours or random ones you find on the internet) would be helpful to include in the email. As I'm posting this with my work email address, I'm hoping to get lucky enough that some back-office rat finds the inappropriate content during a routine inbox sweep, so that I can finally be liberated from this relentless world of superficial elitism. I'm talking about the old-money guys. <br> <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-17T15:20:45-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/646020922.html Ibanker seeking romance text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/645458908.html To that girl who works at the Second Cup: <br> <br> This has been eating me, it just really hurt my feelings and I need to get it off my chest okay? You were like, totally mean to me. I was talking to my bf alright? I like him better than you, I'd rather talk to him than you, so next time could you just wait for me to hang up? Really, the line behind me isn't that long. You didn't have to look so bitchy, I was almost done, I mean, I was holding up my finger, that usually means wait! But you just went on to that next guy, so, like, I hung up for nothing? Anyway when you finally got around to me it was like you didn't even want to take my order. I was nice, okay? I know what I want is complicated, so I said it real slow so understand. It's a grande vanilla latte with two and a half pumps of the SUGAR-FREE syrup. And skim milk. But I want it extra hot, okay? To like 182.5 degrees. And no foam, I don't like foam, it's too much like when I used to eat my bubble bath as a kid. And, you know, the least you could do is double cup it, you know? A latte that hot could hurt me, I have sensitive hands. <br> <br> Maybe you should, like, memorize this so that next time when I come in you recognize me and you know what I want right away. Yeah, whatever, you serve hundreds of people every day blah blah blah. I'm the orange spray tanned one with a purse I could fit a Doberman in. Oh and I'm usually wearing Uggs, they're just so comfy and stylish, you know? You should totally try to learn your customers' orders, it makes us happy. <br> <br> So anyway, when you finally got my order right I asked you for an apple baba, not so hard. My phone rang while you went to get a plate, it was really important so I took it. Anyway my bf was RIGHT in the middle of telling me how cute I am when you TOTALLY interrupted to take my money. Like, was I not obviously in the middle of something? You'd think you could take a hint, like, if you tell me my total and I don't answer you'd just wait like any polite person, but no, you like basically yelled it at me, it was so embarrassing. I wasn't about to hang up again, okay? You're not the only one that exists! So fine, I'll give you your stupid money, you're lucky I have exact change, even if I have to dig for it a bit in my enormous purse. I'm doing you a favor get over it. <br> <br> But, like, it's hard to count change and talk on the phone at the same time, you know? Really, if I wasn't on the phone I could count like a normal person, but give me a sec, I'm multitasking, the people behind me get it, we've all had to before. <br> <br> Tip? No, sorry, Daddy doesn't like me spending my allowance on things I don't need. <br> <br> Anyway, you and your friend who makes the drinks were really bitchy. I was just asking her to make sure it was sugar-free, alright? Geez, you'd think I insulted your moms or something. <br> <br> Have a nice day yourself. When I come back tomorrow to spend four hours on Facebook I'm totally not going to be as nice as I was today. <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: near school <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-17T05:05:28-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/645458908.html the people at second cup are like so rude text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/644579316.html You need sod? Take one piece or twenty. <br> Fill in those trouble spots on your lawn <br> We know you have plenty. <br> <br> For all 100+ golfers, <br> Carry a few in your bag. <br> Laying some new carpet? <br> Try this verdant shag! <br> <br> An excellent costume <br> for your kid's school play. <br> Thinning on top? <br> Makes a stylish toupee... <br> <br> There's no end of mirth <br> you can have with this earth. <br> Come pick up some today <br> on 9th and Killingsworth! <br> <br> <img src=644579316.1.jpg> <img src=644579316.2.jpg> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: 9th and Killingsworth <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-16T10:21:50-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/644579316.html A Sodding Good Time text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/641609489.html Needs muffler, as it is currently VERY LOUD. Intake valve is stuck in the open position. <br> <br> Rear end needs major overhaul. A crack there has grown monstrously large. <br> <br> Needs re-wiring—Many wires are currently crossed. <br> <br> Lots of little dings in the body, which have been covered up with too much paint in a <br> failed effort at camouflaging them. <br> <br> Needs re-upholstering—Carpet has turned a dingy gray. <br> <br> Needs front-end work--Tits are too close to the ground, and knees are too far apart. <br> <br> May not pass emissions test, as it currently produces foul clouds of malodorous gases on a regular basis, <br> <br> Heater works great. Hot air is never in short supply.. <br> <br> Asking $500 or trade for 1984 model. <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-14T02:09:06-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/641609489.html For Sale—One (1) Wife, slightly used, 1964 Model text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/prv/640933911.html You know who you are. You and your skanky friend entered the ladies room at Walmart, apparently looking for a cellphone you lost because you're a moron. I washed my hands, and upon exiting the restroom I said, "Excuse me," since you clearly had no intention of moving your fat ass out of the doorway. <br> <br> I proceeded to look at some shirts in the womens' department, when suddenly you two white trash tramps came RIGHT over and stood oh, maybe, 3 feet away from me, glaring. The porkier one of you two (the one with the mustache) then took out your cellphone and obviously dialed the lost one's number in hopes that suddenly my bag would ring your familiar ringtone- probably Shakira or Lil Kim. I couldn't believe you had the audacity to be such stupid hos. Not only did you make no attempt to be discreet, but you were blatantly rude and insulting. <br> <br> Why the fuck would I want your cellphone? I'm all set with 19yr old punks calling me for blowjobs. I also don't have any interest in receiving phone calls from probation officers or Planned Parenthood. If I did find a cheap-ass phone probably in a pink case, covered in stickers- there's a damn good chance I'd return it to the "Lost And Found," assuming I'd even give a shit enough to do that. I'm sure that's a far-fetched concept to you, considering if it were the other way around, you'd probably pawn a lost phone as fast as you'd jerk off a homeless guy that offered you a cigarette. <br> <br> Next time you immediately jump to conclusions because of your own stupidity, go back and check the aisle with vaginal cream and douches first; you probably left your phone there. You must have found it shortly after, because you were no longer up my ass, skanking up my personal space. Either that, or the dollar store was having one hell of a sale that you couldn't pass up. <br> <br> Screw you both. <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Newport, RI <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-13T14:47:53-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/prv/640933911.html To the stupid bitches at Walmart that assumed I stole their phone text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/640786074.html The measurement of my finger from the tip to the first joint is 1 inch...depth for planting peas. <br> The measurement to the second joint is 2 inches...depth for corn. <br> Return borrowed things in better shape than when you borrowed them. <br> There are two types of trouble...one is the trouble you knowingly walk into, the other is trouble that just happens...it's important to know the difference. <br> Walk softly but carry a big stick. <br> if you have to use said stick, make sure who you use it on, doesn't get up. <br> Grits is good. <br> Foul language is a sign of a limited vocabulary <br> Orion, the Big and Little Dippers. <br> Everyone is a friend until proven otherwise. <br> Licorice ferns, huckleberries, nettles, sword ferns. <br> Tabasco won't kill you even if you eat it by the spoonfull. <br> Don't watch the clock when you're at work. <br> Fish can see you if you look over the side of the boat. <br> Fish can hear you if you talk to loud. <br> Respect the elders. <br> Never go to bed angry. <br> That which does not kill you will hurt like the dickens, but it will make you stronger. <br> Family is the most important thing on earth. <br> How to play the guitar, spoons, mouth harp, and water filled bottles. <br> The true meaning of "Self Made Man" <br> If you don't know something, go to the library and learn it. <br> The phrases "I don't know", "I forgot", or "I tried (and failed)" are excuses. <br> There is a difference between an excuse and a reason, know the difference. <br> Take care of your apperance...even if it is just a t-shirt and jeans. <br> The world can change everything about you, except your point of view...unless you allow it to. <br> <br> David L. McDonald <br> born 1936-passed 2008 <br> precious father <br> beloved husband <br> A right good fellow. <br> <br> <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: everywhere <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-13T09:33:08-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/640786074.html Things my father taught me text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/639254501.html "No taxation without representation" <br> <br> What do I get for my federal taxes? Our public schools are failing, Social Security is insolvent, Medicare & Medicaid are run by a corrupt government that uses taxpayer money to overpay the corporations that run it. Our military is in shambles, our economy is on the brink of complete collapse and all our leaders can think of to do in order to solve the problem is to use our tax dollars to bail out the mistakes of corporations while Americans end up homeless and broke. And stuck with the bill. <br> <br> Do people understand how much money we have spent in Iraq? Seriously really, get a grip and really GET how much money has gone down the hole? And even if they do, do they realize that the Iraq bill, from a dollar perspective, HASN'T COME DUE YET??? The shit going on with the economy right now has NOTHING to do with the THREE FUCKING TRILLION DOLLARS that this clusterfuck in Iraq will eventually cost us. <br> <br> $3,000,000,000,000 / 300,000,000 = $10,000/ea. <br> <br> That means that RIGHT NOW, without ANY interest, each and every American in this country is in for $10 fucking K. On top of our current federal and state income tax burden. <br> <br> Now, I pay for electricity. I pay for internet. I pay for television and I pay for my phone. The tax I pay at the pump covers most of the cash either state or federal government spend on shit like road repairs, but whatever. I pay for the gas to heat my home and cook my food. I pay a shitload at the hospital and even pay tax on some of that shit. I pay sales tax. I even pay retail tax, even though the corporations pass ALL their taxes on to me when I buy their shit. So what the fuck do I get? <br> <br> A military that is now broken. An infrastructure that is crumbling. A justice system that favors their own, the rich and the politicians, and if to add insult to injury, herd me like a fucking piece of cattle and actually go out of their way to find a reason to make me pay them for some bullshit slight. <br> <br> So what the hell is a rational guy supposed to do? What did our forefathers do, when faced with this kind of bogus farce of representation, when bullied into paying for something they don't even want or need? <br> <br> When a man with a checkbook has greater sway than a million voices, OR EVEN ONE FUCKING VOICE, then hasn't our grievance become that of the founders of this country?<!-- START CLTAGS --> <br><br><!-- DO NOT EDIT these unless you're really feeling brave and want your posting messed up. You have been warned. --> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> <!-- CLTAG GeographicArea=The People -->Location: The People <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> <!-- END CLTAGS --> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-11T22:33:16-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/639254501.html No taxation without representation text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/prv/632786911.html FREE: BACKHOE ATTACHMENT <br> I have 1 free backhoe attachment. Approx wt. 1000-1500lbs. It has been sitting in my yard for the last 4 years. It came from someone else's yard for 8 years prior. Time for it to go. <br> Be the envy of your neighborhood with this in your yard. Put it out on the front lawn, that way everyone will see it. Your neighbors will be envious, and you will be proud. <br> THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF USES FOR THIS ATTACHMENT: <br> <br> Have a neighbor who pisses you off?, Put it on the property boundry, that way he will have to look at this every day. <br> Need a place to tie the dog to for the day? He'll never move this thing. <br> When you have your 4th of July BBQ, This is a great conversation starter. You can brag how you will strip it, paint it, and how well this thing will work after you put all that work into it. <br> A lovely place to hang your tarp! Makes a unique cooler for that 4th of July party or trellis for those rambling briars. Bragging rights - yup, worth mentioning twice. <br> F.A.Q. <br> <br> Q: Can u load this on my trailer? <br> A: No my wife is a wimp. It will have to be partially dismantled. I have a loader that can lift approx 500-700 lbs. <br> Q: Can u hold this for a couple of months till I decide I don't want it? <br> A: NO; 1st person to arrive gets it. <br> Q; Do u think my wife will be pissed if I came home with this? <br> A: No The only thing about this that will upset your wife, is that she did not find it first, that way she could surprise you. <br> Q: Would you be able to deliver this fine piece of equipment? <br> A: SURE; why not, if you like, I can also dismantle it, strip the paint off it, repaint it, lubricate it, deliver it, reassemble it, and make sure it is in fine working condition, all for a GEE, THANKS ALOT MAN. <br> <br> In closing, this is free, you need to move it, it needs alot of work, it does have a value, but not to me. (THIS IS NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART, IF YOU ARE NOT SURE ABOUT THIS, NOT SURE IF YOU CAN FIX THIS, OR NOT SURE YOU HAVE THE TIME FOR THIS, DON'T BOTHER) <br> THIS COULD END UP BEING A GIANT LAWN ORNAMENT IN YOUR YARD. We've enjoyed it - now it's your turn. <br> <br> <img src=632786911.1.jpg> <img src=632786911.2.jpg><br> <img src=632786911.3.jpg> <img src=632786911.4.jpg> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Foster, RI <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-06T19:59:27-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/prv/632786911.html FREE: Giant Lawn Ornament text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/flg/631354274.html Free to a needy yard, one, two year old grumpy, mean and annoying so called minature goat, needs work, It won't eat weeds but will eat your shrubs and flowers,Is anti-social, which means that he does nothing but scream at you every time you go outside. The only time he's friendly is when your feeding him. He bullies his brother around. Really isn't too smart, he gets his head stuck in my fence almost on a daily bais, which has to be cut to remove him. <br> The reason I'm getting rid of him is because after two years of trying, I realized I'm not a tree hugger and would rather mow my weeds than wait for the stupid goat to eat them. <br> Now that you know what to expect from him, and your still interested keep in mind that I will not give him to someone just to make tacos out of. I want him to go somewhere to be a companion to a horse, or someone thats willing to put in the time to make him tame & friendly. He is cut so the billy goat thing isn't an issue. <br> Below are a couple of pic's including his head stuck,and a pic of his replacement. <br> Thanks, Steve (928)###-#### <br> <br> <img src=631354274.1.jpg> <img src=631354274.2.jpg><br> <img src=631354274.3.jpg> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: fernwood <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-05T10:52:40-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/flg/631354274.html Nonfuncnional Organic lawn mower text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/630019049.html So, I've recently come to the realization that I possess a remarkable skill. I have the ability to reconnect women with ex-boyfriends that broke up with them. Now, some of you might be saying "Hey, that's pretty cool! How do you do that? I could make millions, or at least I could use that to trick women into sleeping with me!". Let me tell you, it sucks! The last three "girlfriends" I've had have all had their ex-boyfriends contact them shortly after starting to date me! <br> <br> It took about a month and a half after we began dating for the first girl's ex to reconnect with her. And I really liked her (and he is an abusive asshole, she deserves so much better). Man did that suck. With the second girl, it took about three and a half weeks for her guy to come back (he was supposed to have left the freaking country!). I really liked her too. The third girl, it took her ex literally two days to contact her after our first date (and they had been apart for over five years!). <br> <br> So, I appear to be getting better at this. Not only can I get you your boyfriend back within a few days, I can bring him back from incredibly unlikely circumstances. Have you been pining over an ex? Want him to give you a call? Perhaps he moved to Russia 12 years ago, got married, has 7 children, and you haven't heard from him since. No problem! One dinner and a movie with me and he'll likely be waiting on your doorstep when I drop you off. <br> <br> Now, I haven't had a chance to properly test this, but I suspect that my skill works much better if we sleep together. Now, this might not be absolutely necessary, but you do really want to see your ex again right? Why risk it. <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Herndon <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-04T11:52:15-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/630019049.html Want your ex-boyfriend back? [Unfortunately] I can help. text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cle/628259611.html I am so rich. Goodness, gracious. My, my, my. I am so, very, very wealthy. How many dollars do I have? That's a question only my team of ten fat accountants can answer, because they have golden calculators which I bought for them with my money. And what is on those golden calculators? Numbers. And those numbers equal the dollars in my bank accounts, which are huge. <br> <br> I have many vehicles which I use to travel across the world and to many exotic destinations where most people cannot go, because they are so poor. They have very little in dollars, but I, myself, I have very many dollars. Also, I am sexy for a man. I like to think that if I was a woman, I would be a playboy model. But since I am a man I am like the opposite of all that, the man version. <br> <br> In my vehicles I have stored many bottles of rare, delicious wines. These wines are hundreds of years old and covered in dust and cobwebs, which means that they are the most delicious kind, and that they were grown from grapes which were so succulent and juicy that the poor grape-pickers of France wanted to eat them right then and there. But they were whipped, by my shift-leader vintner, who makes sure that the best grapes in my vineyard go only into the wine. That's right, my great grandfather, who was also rich, owned the vineyard where this wine was made. And it's really strong too, it can get you wasted quickly. <br> <br> I am a big time gamer in the real estate market. I speculate and consolidate my wins and losses into pure profit, keeping my blue chips in the black, playing the lady stock market, teasing and tempting her, always with my eyes on the wall street journals and calling my broker on my diamond plated iphone, which I have the most expensive plan of. I call Steve Jobs on it, and when he answers, I'm like, "Who are you? I don't know who you are because I am so rich and cool, and only nerds know who you are." <br> <br> Then I hang up on him and laugh, lighting a big fat stogie with $300 dollars cash, which I just happened to have in my pocket because it's chump change to me. <br> <br> But I have a tender side. Sometimes, I see a hobo. And when I see the hobo, I think to myself, "This man is poor. His monetary value is low, and my monetary value is high, and it's a shame that he is himself. What can I do?" <br> <br> I ask the hobo if he would rather have booze or money to buy booze. If he says he wants the money, I don't give it to him because I know he'll buy booze with it. But if he says he wants the booze, I give him the money because I value honesty, even among lying hobos. <br> <br> You may be asking yourself at this point, why is this rich man posting on a message board when he can have any woman he wants at any time he wants her, just by showing her how much money he has in his shoe? The answer is that I want to date someone who doesn't know that I am rich. I want to be anonymous. Only when we have fallen in love will I reveal to you that I am rich. That is why we must meet through this message board. <br> <br> On our first date, I will wear normal clothes like from Wal-mart, that most people wear. And I will turn on the music on my stereo, when I'm picking you up, and it will play "Jamie's Cryin'", just like normal people listen to. I'll sing along as I drive you to the local Sonic and buy you a cherry limeade, being careful not to tip the carhop so you won't think that I have more money than I'm letting on. <br> <br> By this time you'll be thinking that I'm just like you, poor and smelly. But then we'll drive back to a hotel, only you will think we are going to Motel 6. But then we will pull up to the Marriott, and I'll smile knowingly. You might think that I have won the lottery recently, but I won't let on. Then when we get to the room I'll order room service, again, not telling you that I'm richer than a donkey's ass, just coolly ordering some duck l'orange and some fries. <br> <br> Finally, you'll be dying to know how I can afford such luxury. At that point I'll be like, "It's because I am rich." and then I'll pull off my flannel and be wearing a tuxedo underneath, and you'll be like, "Oh my God! You ARE rich." And then a helicopter will pull up to the window, with my butler Jenkins leaning out, holding a bottle of Chablis and a towel on his arm. <br> <br> "Evening Sir!" he'll say in his trademark way, and I'll say, "Jenkins! Let's go to Borneo tonight, eh? Can the GoldenDollarSign," (the name of my helicopter) "get us there in time for cocktails?" <br> <br> When we arrive in Borneo we'll land on top of my tallest skyscraper, and I'll propose to you, handing you a ring made of pure platinum, with 0% impurities. <br> <br> I can't wait to surprise you with that ring. I'm looking at it now. Send me an email if this could be you. <br> <br> Yours, <br> <br> Rich Bigdollars (Not my real last name.) <br> <br> <br> <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: west <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-04-02T21:17:49-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cle/628259611.html I am RICH and I want to spend it on YOU tonight. text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nfk/624675990.html Are you a woman? <br> Are you tired of guys complaining that you are a horrible kisser? <br> Would you like to learn some new techniques in a fun and safe environment? <br> <br> Well you are in luck my friend! Right now you can take advantage of this once in a lifetime offer. I'm offering FREE, thats right, absolutely FREE kissing lessons to the first 500 women who apply. So don't delay, those 500 free offers are going fast! <br> If you act RIGHT NOW you will receive training on the following types of kisses: <br> <br> 1.) French kissing <br> 2.) Eskimo kissing <br> 3.) Electric shock kissing <br> 4.) Ear kissing <br> 5.) Neck kissing <br> 6.) Spiderman kissing <br> 7.) Breath Kissing <br> 8.) Underwater Kissing <br> 9.) Vacuum Kissing <br> And much much more!!!! <br> <br> So what are you waiting for?? Here are some testimonials from people just like you who have gone through this 5 hour course and come out the other side an expert kisser!! <br> <br> "I used to kiss guys and their reaction was always the same, they would say "you are not a very good kisser, I'm dumping you". But now thanks to this amazing course I've received all kinds of compliments, and I'm married now!!" - Katie (A Real customer) <br> <br> "I used to never get a date, but thanks to this kissing course I can really impress a guy with my tongue abilities, and he will overlook the fact that I am 600 pounds! All thanks to these amazing kissing lessons!!" - Jane (Not just a figment of my imagination) <br> <br> There you have it, so what are YOU waiting for? Pick up the phone now! And then put it back down and send me an email for an awe inspiring experience!! <br> <br> <br> You won't regret it!! <br> <br><br> <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Hampton <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-03-30T23:55:15-04:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nfk/624675990.html Kissing lessons text http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/624032499.html I'm not. <br> <br> I know that I seem to be more of child bearing age than cancer producing age, and I know that my newly flat chest due to a recent double mastectomy makes my belly protrude and makes me look preggers. <br> <br> I'm not. <br> <br> I know also that, despite eating healthfully and exercising a ton, the roids and the hormone therapy I've had the pleasure to experience are to thank for the nice round tummy growing before my eyes. Hell, even I tend to think I look pregnant. <br> <br> But I'm not. <br> <br> Yes, I realize too that I tend to wear a lot of empire waist and babydoll dresses these days, further adding to the "pregnant look". but frankly, since most of my pants hide in fear when I approach them in the closet, these dresses are a much better option. <br> <br> I'm flattered that maybe you think I'm "glowing". I guess 25 rounds of radiation will do that. <br> <br> But please, PLEASE, unless you see my water breaking, don't ask me "Is it a boy or a girl?". Um, it's tamoxifen, thanks for asking. <br> <br> I don't want to have to blurt out the truth any more than you want to hear it. But frankly, I'm tired of trying to make you feel better about your dumb mistake. Now, I just answer, "NOPE. It's cancer. Bellies look bigger when you've had your breasts removed." Sorry. I know you're probably driving home feeling stupid. Good. <br> <br> And of course, the irony that you'll never know, is that I probably won't EVER be pregnant, thanks to all this lovely crap. <br> <br>